The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

Absolutes. I love them.

This is a recent discovery, however. Till very recently, the only way I could trounce a full-time forum--like MN Speak--with post traffic was with salacious words.

Now I find that all you have to do is issue is an absolute. You don't have to prove it but you must invite your enemies to meet you face to face so you can shove it down their throats before they reveal themselves to be little girls with asexual names like my own. This being said, let's get to an even more useful list than my previous post.

People ask me from time to time what cars to buy. I always tell them that while you are not what you drive, you are what you eat. After looking at me quizzically, I break it down for them and explain that usually they ask me this question in an attempt to feed their own egos. This is because I am asked this question most often by people who are old enough to think for themselves but don't. So, what they really are asking me is "what car looks best on me?". Which is why I can never understand why they won't talk to me after I give them my standard three best cars for the dough.

It was cold at the beginning of this week. I recovered from being truly ill (and I was) just in time to make a few new Road Rake spots. One invovles an infanitle appliance known as Barney and the Pimp Daddy Merc 550SEL. My producer did not believe I found this doll in the nursery at Sears but I did. Strangely he is cut out of the video.

1. I have decided to come-out of my self-induced political exile and write about cars once again. Heh, there is no one running the country right now and the inmates and corpulent masses of malignantly mental matter (Ted Kennedy, Barney Frank, Rush Limabaugh) are all we have to represent this country.
2. Just because Sarah Palin revels in a certain form of anti-intellectualism (unlike Condi Rice, Peggy Noonan, Mo Dowd and Tina Brown) there are women out there who can do cool things and think.

Pictured above: The 2003 EVO RS, the utlimate stripper. And what were you thinking?

I've been away for awhile. Seems the economy is picking up a bit with the price of gas going down a cent. It's all senseless to me.

What I find equally senseless is the axiomatic ability for certain headlines to pull in readers on a blog. I would have titled this post differently but then I would not be able to avail my attorney friends of a great chance to save money on their rides. So here goes.

Prelude: A friend--and faithful supporter of this blog--recently told me to consider taking more risks online. So, following this piece of advice, I offer you an essay about cars, hoping not to step on fellow blogger and serious car enthusiast Chris Birt's toes. A disclaimer: apart from driving them, I am not "into" cars. I think of them as gas-guzzling necessities that get me from point A to point B in case those two points are too far apart to bike.