The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

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To no one's surprise, things turned quite feisty at my family's Thanksgiving dinner this year.  After several rounds of turkey and pleasantries, the conversation started popping.  Here is a slice of dialogue with an extra helping of sauce.

"I'm soooooo over that show Lost."

"Yeah, totally.  Look at me!  I turned a giant wheel and the island disappeared!  I hate that show."

"I hate your sweater."

"No one wears rolled neck sweaters anymore."

"Seriously, dude.  The last time I saw one of those sweaters I was at a keg party at St. John's circa 1992."

"Anyone see Boston Legal lately."

"It's nothing but Death, Doom, and Mad Cow Disease on that show this year."

"I don't watch that show.  It's for old people."

"Oh, I'm sorry.  Not every show can be as culturally sophisticated as The Wire."

"You got that right."

"Last week on Boston Legal, they were shooting each other with paint pellet guns.  It was hilarious."

"Are we seriously talking about this?"

"Oh, here we go."

"Do you want to talk about colon cancer instead?  Would that make this evening better?"

"Why is mom's centerpiece display filled with penis shaped gourds?"

"How about that shit going down in India?"

"I heard that hotel the terrorist attacked was made of wood."

"Before I ever go overseas, I'm going to ask the hotel people what their hotel is made of.  I ain't staying in no hotel made of wood."

"Yeah, what are we?  Animals?"

"Just tell people you're from Canada.  Then they won't shoot you."

"I just defriended someone on Facebook.  I hope they don't find out."

"Did you get that email I sent you yesterday?"

"I don't read the emails you send me."

"You're an asshole."

"Sorry.  But I don't have enough time to read every email you send me."

"You're still an asshole."

"What did the email say?"

"It was about those two drunk Iowans."

"Which ones?  There are lots of drunk Iowans out there."

"The two that got hammered at last week's Gopher- Iowa football game and had sex in a bathroom stall."

"A bathroom stall in the Metrodome?  Classy."

"They were in a handicapped stall."

"Oh, that makes it a little better."

"People in the bathroom were cheering them on as they did it.  They got arrested, though.  Their spouses had to bail them out."

"I got these two new button down shirts from J Crew last week.  But they are too tight across the shoulders."

"That's because you're barrel chested."

"You totally are barrel chested.  You're like a mailbox with ears."

"Why did you get button down shirts anyway.  Don't you buy all your clothes at Fleet Farm."

"Well, I'm trying to make more of an attempt to look like a writer."

"Did you hear?  My son's going to be published in Esquire Magazine."

"He still sucks."

"Is Dick Cheney still alive?"

"I heard Barack Obama is going to pick up his own dog poop when he buys his daughters a dog."

"How Presidential."

"Someone told me that Nixon used to shit into a trash can in the Oval Office."

"Was that story on CNN?"

"I feel slightly anemic."

"You look anemic."

"Who gave my daughter a bag of ham to eat?"

"I did.  I thought the kids would like to eat a bag of ham."