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Inspired by all the (composted) hub-bub surrounding the environmental Green Movement, the Minnesota Wild will now practice the Three R’s of clean living: Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. Starting with the 2008-2009 Season that opens this Saturday at the Xcel Energy Center, the Wild have implemented a more ecologically sound game plan. Who knew the bruising sport of hockey could be so Green?

First, The Minnesota Wild have Reduced bloated contracts and underperforming players. They let go of crabby pants Pavol Demitra; Branco “Radiohead” Radivojevic is now sequestered in Russia, Aaron Voros is with the NY Rangers, Mark Parrish kicked to the curb, and Sean “Orange Pylon” Hill gone so he could go and learn how to skate backwards. All-purpose stud Brian Rolston, the player most responsible for the Wild’s recent turn around since the lockout, signed a huge free agent contract with the New Jersey Devils. By Reducing their waste, the roster is now free of clutter.

Second, the Wild will Reuse an old favorite. They’ve brought Andrew Brunette back for his second tour of duty. Bruno is excited to be back in a Wild sweater and his fine hockey nose will no doubt lead him into the corners and scrum pit in front of the opponent’s net. More importantly, management has decided to Reuse numerous young players, and has given them new opportunities to shine: Mikko Koivu moves up to the scoring line and is no longer shackled by his defensive responsibilities; James Sheppard jumps into Koivu’s checking role; Wild 2005 first round pick Benoit Pouliot moves into a regular roster spot; Brent Burns will be a league leader in ice time and everything else; and Colton Gillies will get his feet on the fourth line. In the modern NHL system, teams designate three or four players as foundations (for the Wild it is Koivu, Sheppard, Bouchard, Burns, Schultz) and the rest of the lineup is replaceable.

The Wild now know that a productive team needs to make new products out of old materials. This offseason, the Wild’s Recycling program was busier than ever and brought in seven new players. General Manager Doug Risebrough has pulled disregarded players out of a tattered league bin and fit them into open roster spots. The new roles made from the old roles are as follows: Owen Nolan =Todd Fedoruk (a veteran player with a mean streak who will crash the net); Andrew Brunette=Mark Parrish (solid locker room guy and good in the corners/down low); Craig Weller=Aaron Voros (grinder who will hit and fight); Antti Miettinen=Branko Radivojevic (checking line winger who will chip in a few goals); Marek Zidlicky=Petteri Nummelin (offensive defenseman); Marc-Andre Bergeron=Brian Rolston (big slapper from the point on power plays); and Colton Gillies=Matt Foy (high energy winger willing to hit everything in sight).

Over the past five years, the Minnesota Wild have learned that, much like our country’s addiction to foreign oil, loads of NHL teams have relied for far too long on a surplus of outsider free agents to bring their team prosperity. And in doing so, these big market NHL teams have completely ignored their own infrastructure (minor leagues, drafting, etc). Take one look at both Iraq and the Toronto Maple Leafs and you’ll see the jackpot a country and a hockey team can find themselves in. The Wild have found a Greener solution to the current high stakes game of free agency. They know that it is unwise to put all of their money into one money rich oily resource (that means you Mr. Marian Gaborik). Instead, the Wild will cultivate their own long term sustainable resources, young players that will provide the team with an annual Fall production and rejuvenation every Spring.

The Minnesota Wild’s abundant alternative sources of energy are: Wind (Mikko Koivu and his relentless fore check-back check); Solar (Brent Burns has one of the brightest futures in all of hockey, named the best defenseman for Team Canada in the 2008 World Tournament); and Ethanol (James Sheppard provides nightly good old fashioned corn fed hustle). Hell, the Wild have even tinkered with the use of nuclear power. (When Wild enforcer Derek Boogaard swings his right hand it drops like a neutron bomb. Just ask Todd Federok’s face.)

The Minnesota Wild management believe (much like Al Gore and his pleads for everyone to use reusable bags and energy efficient bulbs) that progress will be measured in minor but steady steps: first a division title, then getting past the first round of the playoffs, and then maybe a conference final. But for the first time in franchise history, many of the Wild faithful have become skeptics. We have watched the Ducks march right over us on their way to the Stanley Cup. The Calgary Flames manhandle us on a nightly basis (does Jarome Iginla have a wire tap in the Wild coach’s office?). A scrappy Colorado Avalanche team out-scrapped us in the first round of the playoffs last year and recently signed major douche Darcy Tucker to up the ante. And now the Edmonton Oilers seem to be on the verge of a Northwest conference insurrection with all of their young, fast talent.

With the Three R’s now implemented, the 2008-2009 Minnesota Wild campaign has gone Green and is moving in a progressive direction. Let’s hope in a few years that Green turns into silver in the form of the Lord Stanley’s Cup. A few Crunchy (like granola, get it?) Story Lines:

-The center won’t hold. After Koivu, the center position is as thin as John McCain’s environmental policy reform. James Sheppard is only 20 years old, Benoit Pouliot is untested, and last year Eric Belanger went colder than a witch’s tit. In coach Jacques Lemaire’s system, the center plays a huge role and has major responsibilities. Are our young guys ready?

-The Gaborik Effect. The star winger’s contract drama has the potential to tear the team and franchise apart. His agent thinks that some team will pay Gaborik $9-10 million a year next season. That is asinine. Sidney Crosby, the face of the new NHL, a player who is a captain, a league MVP, a scoring champ, and has taken his team to the Stanley Cup finals doesn’t even make that much. Why would the Wild pay him that? Gaborik has no one-on-one offensive moves (besides his wicked snapper and trying to skate past someone). He has never won a physical battle anywhere on the ice rink. And quite frankly, he seems bored. When was the last time you saw Calgary’s Jarome Iginla take a shift off? Gaborik is not the type of player that can lead a team to the Cup. He is basically Glenn Anderson, but without the rockin’ mustache. He is not Joe Sakic, Eric Staal, or Scott Niedermayer. Last season, Pavel Datsyuk, the Detroit Red Wings star forward, had 97 points. He also won the Selke Trophy for best defensive forward. Then he followed that monstrous regular season by leading the Stanley Cup Playoffs in hits. Not bad for a guy that is only 5-11. What did Gaborik do? After Colorado’s Ian Laperriere bitch slapped him late last season, he promptly disappeared. Trade him now to an Eastern division team and let him face Boogaard.

-Where My Goals at? Last year, the Wild ranked 17th in the league in goals scored and finished 26th in shots on goal. Rolston, Demitra, and Parrish combined for 62 goals and 81 points and are now gone. The Wild plan on relieving the forwards with quicker defensemen who they hope will provide better transition and puck movement. Let’s pray that works. If the defensemen don’t pick up the slack it could make for a lot of 2-1 snooze fest games.