Don't Call Me Sweetheart

Outrage!

by Cristina Cordova
posted on Jan. 17, 2008 - 11:41am

I just picked up my two children from their school-supported daycare, at which time a young woman put her finger in the air and motioned for me to have a moment with her. I stepped aside and proceeded to listen to her complain that my son had been calling her, and other students and teachers, "sweetheart." She told me that she and some of the other students did not appreciate it, and that this behavior was unacceptable.

I know my face must have resonated with a "you must be fucking kidding" look. Sweetheart! He's five. If it is not endearing and humorous, it certainly cannot be very disruptive.

I wanted to to tell her that "bitch" and "my ass" are bad words, but "sweetheart" has no malice. One can deduce bad intent if it comes from a greasy man at a bar, but my son is a cute 43-pound Guatemalan boy. (By the way, when I asked him to get on the scale, he said, "OK, honey.")

I am so taken aback that this women has nothing better to do than to rat on a little boy who is trying to be funny. I informed her that there are a lot more destructive behaviors to focus on than a child saying "sweetheart." This daycare worker just would not let it go. She argued that if she or any children did not want to be called sweetheart by my son, he should follow their wishes, and that this needed to be addressed.

I don't know what makes me more angry — the fact that this woman is just being STUPID (a word my son is not using) or the long-term effect of not letting a five-year-old be OK with who he is. What's next? Not using the word "love" or "friend"? No, I know: the word "honey."

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9 Reader Comments

Evelyn Blum (not verified)11:20am
Jan 17

I totally agree with you, and I classify this particular incident under the idea of how PC have gone? I am a woman that grew up from the late 60's to early 80's. I do think, that in some and even in many cases and areas of our lives we have had to grow, change, and diversify. and in those areas, such as your example of the old man at the bar, you are correct. That being said, we now live in a life of zero tolerance. What does that mean? people take it to a lenght that causes the same sort of problems it was to cure. I take a child who uses words of endearment such as the ones this particular child was using, as a statement to what he has witnessed in his own life. It would mean that the parent figures use pet names with each other and with the kids. Why is alright for a grown up to call a child honey? "Come here honey, let me help you with that". "OK sweetheart we can do that". All things we as adults say to our children and to other children. If it is ok, then we must expect our children to example us. I hope that you answered to the adult in question, and if not perhaps you should.... That particular habit is a window of how we treat him, and how his parents treat each other. Also to follow up... I ask of you, have you said ever to a child, OK honey lets go do that? or, OK sweetheart we can do that or I can do that for you? Because if you have, then you are the example of why my child might use those terms. Good luck with that! and bravo to you! Sincerely, A mom of two sweetheart's and honey filled young girls, and proud to use the terms.

Scott Masterton (not verified)11:54am
Jan 17

Hi Lisa! It wasn't that long ago that a 6 years child was accused of sexual abuse and this fits right in with your current observations. First of all, to abuse someone sexually, one must be sexual...a 5 or 6 year old is NOT SEXUAL; therefore he/she cannot "sexually harrass". Your son has only heard the term "sweetheart" used by his mother, father or other people that love him. His emotional definition of that word means that he's being loved and appreciated by another. When he uses that word with other people that is the context in which it is being used. He's saying, "I like you...you are someone important to me." It brings up this whole idea of "being offended". When I am offended by something another says, my feelings of offense say absolutely nothing about the person that said something to me...my feelings only say something about my inner self. If we could all take a little more responsiblity for how we feel, and face those feelings with an air of wonder (what does this teach me about my beliefs?) we'd all be a happier bunch. Peace, Scott.

Lucie (not verified)12:17pm
Jan 17

Maybe you should teach your son to say, "wanna bitch-slap?" instead. Now THAT's something to get up in arms about. When sweetheart is bad, I don't wanna be right.

Anonymous (not verified)01:24pm
Jan 17

Just another case of someone being a complete idiot. It could’ve been handled so much better if the daycare person would’ve just taken the child in question, over to the corner for 30 seconds and said “Sweetheart is a special word that you should use only for very special people like your parents and sister. Here at daycare, it would make me happier if you just called me Ms. _________, and call him Mr. _________ and call her Ms. ____________. Save sweetheart for the extra-special people in your life.” Perhaps telling the idiot in question this, will force them to confront the idea that their own comments are idiotic. signed, a father of two sweethearts and a honey of a wife.

Erica (not verified)03:49pm
Jan 17

Thank you for the reality check Lisa! I am astounded that in our cynical and challenged world, a little “sweetheart” isn’t more appreciated!! I have worked in the world of childcare, and I would totally prefer a sweetheart nod, to the “shut-up bitch” I got one time from a 3 year old. Kudos to you for defending your kid and his right to be sweet, endearing and an all around nice guy. I have all sorts of sugary nicknames for my child, so I supose I better prepare her for the supercilious prudes that are out there. Not everyone can be sweethearts, I supose. - a mom who loves her sweetheart of a kid too!

Anonymous (not verified)03:32am
Apr 9

I have to say that my experience with people that act like this is on a more personal level. I do not know the woman, but she could be like two people I have known who molested children. I testified in court and helped put one away. Some people over-react to children saying something that would be inappropriate for an adult to say because they are reacting to the child as thought the child is a sexual adult. I am no shrink, just an observation, and I would not want any child of mine around that teacher.

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