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Defenestrator

You Can Call Me Sen. Al: Should Al Franken be Minnesota’s Senator Pro Tem?

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Three months is long enough for Minnesota's unemployment rate to rise more than half a percentage point. It's enough to start and end a war in Gaza. It's even enough time for Christian Bale to go from being known as the much-lauded star of classics like Dark Knight and Swing Kids to the egotistical batshit douchebag who blames his bad behavior on his deep immersion in John Connor's mind. After all, how can Bale be expected to follow the rules of polite society after spending days exploring the nuances of humanity's last best hope for victory against the machines? Minnesota's Senate race has stretched longer than any of these things, begging the question - whilst the interminable court case stretches off into the horizon, should Al Franken be seated, however temporarily, as Minnesota's second senator?

Currently, the only people benefiting from the ongoing disaster and arcane web of regulations and adjudications that is the Senate recount and subsequent lawsuits are the Coleman and Franken legal teams. That situation is unlikely to change anytime soon, especially in light of the thousands of exhibits, ballots and witnesses the court case is swallowing whole like some white whale pursued not by a snarling captain of the seas, but by two vaguely Minnesotan Jews. And in the meantime, Minnesota is left a man down - a situation Al Franken is looking to remedy as he sues to have a provisional election certificate issued.

So should Al be seated? The answer is a definitive no.

No matter how entertaining it may seem to have Stuart Smalley save the Senate, Al Franken should not be awarded the Senate seat, even on a provisional basis. Aside from the fact that state law prohibits issuing an election certificate until all court challenges are settled, there's a principle at stake here. At the heart of the court battles, dueling witnesses, chest-beating, posturing, and judicial wrangling is a simple question - which of these two men garnered the most votes. And until we know that definitively we should not be sending a senator, even a senator pro tem, to do the people's business, especially in a climate where every vote taken holds implications far beyond the usual nigh-masturbatory window dressing taken up by congress.

Even worse than the possibility of having a man without a public mandate taking the future of the country's, and even the globe's, economy in his soft effeminate hands, is the simple fact that no matter who is sent to Washington to temporarily fill the seat and entertain Sen. Klobuchar with lurid tales of Neiman Marcus shopping sprees or what the hell happened to Eddie Murphy's career, there's a 50/50 chance of sending someone who the majority didn't intend to hold one of the most powerful offices in the United States government.

There's no rush. No matter what either side says, there will be no breach of a hell-dimension spewing abyssal creatures forth from a yawning maw that threatens to engulf Ely if we fail to send a second senator to Washington this month. No fiery sphere will streak forth from the heavens to smite the canvassing board for what right-wing shock jockeys are currently calling a joke of an electoral process. Norm's mandate from the heavens to serve as Minnesota's senator will wait for another day. Al's hours of preparation to take the seat will not all be for naught if he waits for the process to play out. It is, after all, about the will of the people - not two wealthy white men with large egos desperate to make good on the $40 million and counting they've spent.

5 Reader Comments

Will Lose04:55pm
Feb 10

The definitive answer is YES.

In reality, as opposed to your so called principle, Franken has won based on the recount. In principle and reality, that makes him Senator. In principle, you could fight the case forever in court and leave the officially elected Senator out of office until the next election, defeating any point of having an election and a vote count and recount. So, in principle, the principle you advocate is fucked – in principle, of course. In reality, principles need more balls and to get fucked a lot more often.

Rich Goldsmith05:45pm
Feb 10

I'll be happy to see Franken head for D.C. once the courts decide that the ballots and counts were correct. This is the democratic process at work, and I'd hate to throw a wrench in it because Franken supporters are in a hurry. Minnesota isn't demonstrably harmed by being deliberative about this, so let the process run its course. And no, it would not be karmic justice for the way the courts boned up the decision in 2000.

Of course, if you can honestly say you wouldn't be arguing against Norm taking the seat on a temporary basis while the court deliberates if Franken were the one down 225 votes, by all means stand on principle.

In the meantime, why don't we all just abide by state law and wait for the court case to finish before issuing that election certificate?

Will Lose06:08pm
Feb 10

I'm happy for the democratic process, not the bureaucratic process that simply uses courts to hide counts, whether it be the Supreme Court denying Florida's counts and democratic process or an endless procession of district courts in Minnesota, simply because Coleman supporters want to keep terrorist-supporting, god-hating liberals out, even if it means using lawyers employed by Jews in the meantime.

Rich Goldsmith08:01am
Feb 11

Hate to say it, Will, but unless you believe the courts are corrupt, they're actually a (vital) part of the democratic process. Like it or not, there have been questions about some aspects of the vote count, even if it's just perception. The courts will (in theory) make sure those irregularities haven't affected the mandate from the people.

And you can't tell me that Al wouldn't be using the courts in the same way if the situation was reversed either, so no matter what all those terrorist-supporting liberals may say, they don't have much of a principled leg to stand on.

That said, it is an annoyingly slow and painful process.

james jones (not verified)09:20pm
Aug 1

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