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Every winter in our fair state, the subtle tang known as desperation permeates the air. Match.com and eHarmony fill with the profiles of Minnesotans scrambling to find someone with whom to warm their long winter's nap before the season's icy grip on the region's nethers prevents any chance of companionship altogether. But this season is different. That subtle tang has become an overwhelming stench wafting from the Minneapolis-Saint Paul metro area, and that desperation signals a mightily dangerous time for our cities.

Sadly, the danger doesn't stem from a profound lack of genital friction in the Twin Cities area. Instead, it stems from profound economic malaise. Worse, the layoffs, foreclosures, and $5.2 billion state budget deficit are but the beginning of the potential cataclysm facing Minneapolis and Saint Paul. And in fact, those crippling elements are but signposts leading us down a merry path toward naught but impending doom.

These signposts include such signifiers as the fact that 90.3 percent of homes in the metro area depreciated in the last 12 months. Or that 34.7 percent of homes are being sold at a loss. Compound that with 31,000 jobs lost in the state over the last year, 10,500 of those coming in November alone, and the budget cuts pending at the capitol and it becomes clear that the standard of living in the region is under dire threat - not by Cobra, the ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world, but by what could be an even more significant collapse of public safety and services than that which occurred during the 2001-2003 recession.

During the last recession - the last time local government aid was cut dramatically - Minneapolis and Saint Paul were forced to cut back the public safety budget. At the same time, the Bush administration failed to renew the dollars the Clinton administration devoted to bolstering public safety budgets in metro-areas across the country. This sudden loss of funds caused our police departments to shed cops faster than they could say "unintended sudden acceleration." Unsurprisingly, the reduced police force led to a dramatically increased crime rate. By 2005, Minneapolis was once again called Murderapolis and boasted a violent crime rate twice that of the national average. But on the plus side, hookers were plentiful on Hennepin Ave.

Fast forward a few years to today, when the state is staring down the barrel of a $5.2 billion budget shortfall and local government aid is likely to be the first part of the budget to be kissed a sweet goodbye. We'll know more today once Gov. Pawlenty reveals his plan for cutting the short term deficit, but should the cuts be as deep as many imagine them to be, the metro area's police forces will again be targets for staff reductions by attrition and layoffs. According to a number of SAFE officers in Minneapolis, any number of crime prevention programs stand to be cut, and Tim Pawlenty does not have a reputation for being a gentle mohel. Not to mention the simple fact that a bris at Minneapolis' age could be quite painful.

These cuts, in essence, translate directly into increased crime. With the economy already driving people to desperate measures, the looming cuts in social services and public safety could well send the crime rate soaring to heretofore unexplored heights. Even without any reductions in funding, the crime rate has already been creeping upward according to several officers. Property crimes are increasing especially quickly as the Twin Cities residents hit hardest by the recession decide to do their Christmas shopping in their neighbors' homes and businesses. Bottom line, any cuts that could potentially impact public safety have been shown to be profoundly bad ideas.

Regardless, as the frigid winter and economic stagnation take a firm grip on the more salient features of Minnesota's anatomy, it may be wise to lock your doors. Or at least take a spin down to Hennepin Ave. to see if the hookers are back. It's important to keep warm this winter, after all.