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America's shoppers, determined to single-handedly drag the U.S. economy forth from its dark and lonely apartment before it's found, wrists slit, in a warm bath with a hastily scrawled suicide note containing shitty poetry, had a field day on Black Friday. And with retailers wetting themselves and invoking every deity known to man, be he the enlightened creature of Western civilization or the cannibalistic and cabalistic creature still kowtowing to eldritch beings under dark jungle canopies, they're sure to be doling out high-fives and unclenching their spectacularly toned buttocks as consumer spending rose this Black Friday by 7.2 percent over last year's numbers.

Even more gratifying was the enthusiasm for capitalism demonstrated by shoppers. Not only did 23 percent of them rise at unholy hours to be at stores by 5 a.m., and 57 percent of them make it to the mall by 9, but consumers were so excited by the deals on tap this holiday season they trampled several Wal-Mart employees, killing one and sending a pregnant woman to the hospital to get first dibs on spectacular savings on Incredible Hulk DVDs and Bissel compact upright vacuum cleaners. Consumers, frenzied by the heady thrill of slaughtering their fellow man in pursuit of small household appliances, were heard screaming "Fuck you China! You can take your 30 percent personal savings rate and suck it! This is real capitalism!" as they planted their Croc-clad feet firmly upon the sternums of their fellow man.

And really, with deals like the ones below, who can blame them?

 Images courtesy of Gizmodo Black Friday Photoshop contest