The daily digest of Twin Cities culture | Secrets of the City

Related Content

• Minnesota Politics 2008, The Year That Was: Part 1
• You Can Call Me Sen. Al: Should Al Franken be Minnesota’s Senator Pro Tem?
• Al Franken : The Rakish Interview
• July 2, 2009: Senator Al Franken!
• Crowdsourcing Minnesota’s Deficit

Today marked the first day of what promises to be an interminable coda tacked upon an already unwieldy election. Like a bizarre form of Chinese water torture, the sure to be ongoing blanket coverage of the minutiae of hand-counting 3 million votes, not to mention the constantly updating vote total, is likely to strain the already crumbling sanity of a citizenry subjected to three hours of sunlight a day to the breaking point. And while there’s no question that it’s of vital importance that every vote must be counted, plumbing the heretofore unexplored depths of stupidity voters sunk to while exercising their democratic rights may crush any vestige of faith in their fellow man Minnesotans may still have.

And most sad, the recount is far more likely to uphold the status quo than to bring about another shocking regime change. Even though Franken has already cut into Coleman’s lead, narrowing it to 174 votes with 18 percent of the vote recounted, Minnesota Democrats looking for a dramatic change of fortune are better off hoping to see a nuanced and richly textured performance from Keanu Reaves in the upcoming “The Day the Earth Stood Still” than for a reversal of Coleman’s announced win. With the state split almost down the middle between Franken and Coleman, statistically speaking, it’s far more likely for both candidates to pick up virtually the same number of votes, thus maintaining Coleman’s slim lead, than it is for the DFL to defy the odds in some Mighty Ducks-style come from behind story in which Franken makes the all-star team in Washington while Emilio Estevez bangs his mom six ways to Sunday.

If Franken does somehow make up the votes, I’ll happily salute him for a race well run and sit back to see what happens in Georgia. The reality everyone may need to face, however, is that Minnesota is not likely to be rid of the man known in some circles as the fourth most corrupt Senator so easily. It would, of course, spell the end of the nigh-permanent state of arousal Democrats have been in since sniffing the possibility of a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate. However, Norm Coleman has always been a political chameleon. As President Bush’s approval rating burrowed its way deep into the earth in search of oil, Saddam Hussein and the moral compass he left somewhere back in the year 2000, Norm managed to tear himself away from his Bush fetish, eventually voting with something resembling common sense. At worst, Coleman’s votes will be neutralized. At best? He’ll be the bipartisan creature he’s always claimed to be.

In other words…the Godfather of St. Paul has always tilted in whichever direction he’s blown, and by all accounts Sen. Harry Reid can blow like no one else.