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As we prepare to elect the next leaders of our country to their proper positions in Congress and the White House, it would seem an opportune time to examine what elements make a man, or woman, a great leader. And indeed, there has been much discussion on the subject. Wisdom and judgment have been cited as crucial factors any number of occasions. Compassion and understanding play a key role in providing inspired leadership as well, not to mention intelligence, passion, creativity charisma, and a whole host of other superlatives that, in combination, has thus far only been found in Brock Samson. Unsurprisingly, most experts on the subject agree that, in these dark times, our next leader should exhibit all of these qualities.

So why in hell are people so excited by candidates who are "one of us?"

Perhaps the theory is that an everyman candidate will have a deeper understanding of the problems facing Americans today. But by the same token, if the general public hasn't found solutions for these problems, why would it stand to reason that the common man would be able to do so after taking elected office? The last eight years with an avatar of the common man at the helm have not worked in the country's favor, nor has the more recent elevation of Michele Bachmann reflected well upon Minnesota. These are not experiments that are likely to bear different results with further empirical trials.

However, it's not surprising that the average American dreams of a leader of the free world who might fit right in whilst drinking fishbowls and stumbling home with 1.75 liters of ill-advised appletini sloshing its way through the "legislative process." Everyone wants to see themselves as executive material and with an everyman in the White House, hope springs eternal. It's much the same hope that the schlubs, putzes and douchebags across this great country get when they see "Beverly Hills 90210" star and all-around schmuck Brian Austin Green merrily groped by his fiancé - Megan Fox. It's easy to imagine that you too, given the proper confluence of events and resources, not to mention a torrid night with Dick Cheney and the cast of "Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place" that's best never spoken of before the end of days, could be in his place.

But this is a concept that's difficult to disabuse people of. It's too fond a fantasy for many. Clinging tenaciously to the idea that the common man can use the folksy wisdom of mediocrity to make up for the intellectualism they rejected so long ago, they turn a blind eye to the never-ending torrent of evidence that proves far beyond any shadow of doubt why the framers of our Constitution were loath to put the future of the country in the hands of the people. From the McCarthy-esque attitudes that rise inexorably from an ill-informed world view, to the undeniable idiocy and vile pablum the common man hath wrought for uncounted eons, choosing one of our own to take higher office with any regularity spells more certain doom for the capitalist empire we've become so justifiably proud of than lead plates and sodomy did for the Romans.

And it's not nearly as fun.