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Sex and the Fat Man

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I learned again last week that any blog, book, or article with the word "sex" in the title will be read. Not that this was news to me. But it's a lesson that was reinforced by our nifty Popular Today list, which proved that sex sells better than anything except basketball. Which, when you think about it, is an interesting commentary. . . .

Now, I don't know the Lakers from the Bears, but I do know sex. And I even have a legitimate reason to write about sex because my new novel is absolutely chock-full of sex. Really good sex. Only the person who's having it happens to be an attractive but very, very large man — and I do mean that, in every way.

So you should know that I spent my entire morning searching for a photo of a sexy fat man for this blog. Finally, I gave up and e-mailed our web guru who spent her entire afternoon searching. And what did we find? Well, what's above is the best by far.

I sorted through photos of fat men wearing baseball caps and stuffing enormous hamburgers into their mouths; clinical shots of obese men with pendulous fins of flesh hanging off their 1,000-pound bodies; pictures of sumo wrestlers in diaper-like garb. The closest I could come to a stud with a little meat around the middle was a stock shot of John Goodman, back in the Roseanne years. Yet — and I find this interesting — when I looked for cheesecake photos of hefty women they were in large supply.

What's that all about?

Well, I'll tell you what it's all about. We women can talk about weight discrimination until we're 90 (and probably will): the way men want stick-thin babes on their arms, women who look like heroin-addicted teenage boys and have collarbones that could kill. But suddenly, I'm not at all convinced that the problem isn't really the other way around.

Men are out there looking at jpegs of zaftig females lounging on pillows among dozens of cats. They're getting turned on by women with rounded Rubanesque tummies and thighs that meet. But women, it appears, are not at all interested in looking at photos of beefy, hairy, barrel-stomached men.

This has become a real hot button issue for me because my book is about a synesthetic 40-year-old food critic [nothing autobiographical there] who begins dating a smart, witty, reliable, thoughtful six-foot-six-inch 300-pound guy. (And no, for all of you who are wondering, my new six-foot-one-inch husband weighs a mere 203 dripping wet. . . .)

The plot of my novel hinges around the fact that in high-falutin' foodie circles, fat is simply not acceptable. Oh, the people who attend restaurant openings may talk about food constantly, describing as if it were sex, longingly and with hungry eyes. But they don't eat much. And they do not care, as a group, for people who do.

Mind you, I'm exempting real food lovers, most chefs (they eat constantly but they also move constantly,which is how they stay so thin), and those lusty gourmets of the Ruth Reichl type. What I'm talking about here are the socialites who attend every haute cuisine gala in town. When my heroine tries to bring her big man along as escort to one such event, he is openly derided for being not of the right type.

So the couple ends up instead frequenting a small Persian restaurant in suburban Chicago where he, a scientist, is treated with dignity and she, a food critic, is not even recognized. They fall in love over a dish called fesenjoon, which she describes this way:

The flavor reminded me of the mood rings we used to have when I was in grade school, with stones that would change color — supposedly depending upon the wearer’s emotional state, but really due to body temperature. Fesenjoon seemed to change in the air: its scent was of one thing and then another. Berries, citrus, bakery buns, roasted chicken, nuts, and earth.

I wrote this, however, before ever having tasted fesenjoon. I'd read about it. I knew the ingredients (chicken, pomegranate juice, walnuts, onion, and citron), so like a person who can read music and hear the melody in his head, I conjured up the scent and flavor of the dish based upon its recipe.

Last Friday, my normal-sized husband and I went to Shiraz Fireroasted Cuisine, on 60th and Nicollet, so I could taste the dish around which I'd based the whole crux of my book. Let me tell you, I was nervous. . . .

"What if I hate it?" I asked my husband in the car.

"You can write about something else," he said. "Send your editor the changes." He was nice enough, you'll notice, not to point out that I might have tried fesenjoon before sending the book in.

Shiraz was, I'm sorry to say, nearly empty. We sat in a booth next to a miniature Persian rug that looked like a little flying carpet. The lights were low and the walls a warm rose color. It would have been a very pleasant place to be except that the noise of clattering dishes coming from the kitchen echoed through the cavelike space.

We ordered the fesenjoon (called fesenjan at Shiraz) and a ghormeh sabzy stew. Each came with a plate of white rice and lemon zest. I spooned a little of each on my rice and tasted.

"Do you hate it?" my husband asked.

I shook my head. But the truth is, I didn't love it, either. The fesenjan was redder and sweeter than I'd expected, and the Shiraz version seemed to have no onion in it, nothing savory to counter the syrupy pomegranate sauce. The other dish, however, was extraordinary: chunks of rich, tender filet mignon with red beans in a thick gravy made of beef juice, herbs, and lime. It had a nearly South American flavor, mixed with the wondrous plain meaty taste of a rare Manny's steak.

Speaking of Manny's, they have fat men there. Lots of them, and they're sexy, too. Forget the wifty, silk tie types who hang out at places where the food is vertical, these are guys who take their 4-pound steaks lying down.

So could someone get over there right now and take a picture. Please?

34 Reader Comments

M (not verified)12:20pm
Jan 16
You wrote about fesenjoon before you tasted fesenjoon? I can't believe it! Next you'll be telling us you wrote about all that sex without trying it first.
Ann Bauer12:23pm
Jan 16
That's why I didn't have time to go out for fesenjoon. I was very busy doing scrupulous research on the sex.
Rich G. (not verified)05:20pm
Jan 16
You could've gotten all your research out of the way at once, had you been willing to sacrifice your sheets.
Ann Bauer05:25pm
Jan 16
OK, maybe this is another gender thing, but I don't even understand your comment. Dare I ask you to explain?
Rich G. (not verified)12:28pm
Jan 17
I'm saying, quite simply, that if the bed was preventing you from getting to the fesenjoon, bring the fesenjoon to the bed. Murder on the sheets, but who knows what antics braised meats in the bedroom could inspire? When might the novel be hitting shelves?
Ann Bauer01:03pm
Jan 17
I'm HOPING 2009. Thanks for asking. And watch for my next novel, in which the fesenjoon will become, thanks to you, a marital aid.
Cristina Cordova03:06pm
Jan 17
Beautiful... can't wait to read that one.
Rich G. (not verified)05:47pm
Jan 17
Nor can I.
Hayduke (not verified)02:34pm
Jan 16
The synesthesia references keep nibbling at the edges of my thoughts. I want to talk to you about the mango sorbet at Sonny's sometime...By the way, moment of silence for Sonny Siron, founder of Sonny's ice cream and patriarch of Crema Cafe, who passed away just after Christmas. I will miss his warm handshake and welcoming smile at Crema. So anyways...you gotta take and rent that John Travolta movie about the archangel Michael. When he walks in a room everyone there smells their favorite smell. The women all perk up when he walks in "do you smell cookies?" "No, I smell fresh bread." No, I smell fesenjoon.
Ann Bauer02:41pm
Jan 16
I've watched Michael and I *love* that scene. For me, the "angel" smell would be the mingled smell of toast, bacon, fried eggs, strawberry jam, and freshly-perked coffee. My grandmother's house, the year I was 6. . . .
stevemarsh (not verified)11:09pm
Jan 16
Annie, darlin', first, wiki Faludi's Stiffed. And then google my picture. (Wink.) And then put an ice cube in your mouth. Did you understand this comment? Yeah, baby. Go ahead and re-read it. Again.
Ann Bauer07:37am
Jan 17
There's a difference between suggestion and smut, Steve. What was it Potter Stewart said? "I know it when I see it."
stevemarsh (not verified)04:08pm
Jan 17
Yeah, what was it that that fascist supreme court judge said? Who cares. I'm talking *tastefully done.*
Anonymous (not verified)01:58pm
Jan 17
As to the whole are-fat-men-sexy thing, two words: James Gandolfini. Nah, not my cup of tea, but definitely oozing sexual attraction.
Pieta (not verified)03:47pm
Jan 31
Are you in fact looking for pictures? Because my 6'1", 305 lb fiance seems to be volunteering... and we've got a camera. If so, shoot me an email and I'll see what I can do :)
Kelly Bliss (not verified)08:49am
Feb 6
This is an important activist opportunity for each of us who believe in health for all sizes! 1.) Write the stock photo websites and ASK for more photos of plus size men and women LIVING LIFE. (Now the only photos on the stock photo sites are of plus size people standing on scales, stuffing their facees. The zaftig women are not on the stock photo sites, but they are all over the internet.) 2.) If you are a photographer or you know a photographer, please SUBMIT photos of plus size men and women LIVING LIFE. If each one of us asked for photos and some submitted photos - the stock photo websites are much more likely to have these photos! If the photos were available, then the media might possibly use more photos of plus size people WITH HEADS. We can hope.
Anonymous (not verified)08:44am
May 14
I think that people who aren't stick thin are MUCH less attractive than people who have a little meat on their bones. Not the "I wash myself with a rag on a stick variety," but the ones that look real. Ones that are going out for a nice dinner and not complaining about the calorie count. Ones that eat ice cream with their kids or barbeque with friends because it is fun. Just fun. They don't obsess over their scales, they look for ways to be happy. Fun. Healthy. And not self obsessed.
Anonymous (not verified)04:42am
Nov 25

man fat sex i need?

Amazonca (not verified)06:50am
Jan 8

Oh! that man on the picture looks really disgusting! Thanks Gog we don't think too much about bodies under the clothes when choosing a partner.

signature: Adult toys are the most fun you can have without laughing.

Adult Toy Room (not verified)11:14pm
Feb 26

It sounds like the "foodies" that you describe have detached themselves from the emotional side of food, which for me is very difficult. Good food excites me... lol.

Here's some fun and sexy bedroom food, but probably not for foodies.

Dildos (not verified)09:57pm
May 6

Rather have Sex toys then a fat man

Titan Poker (not verified)07:20am
Jun 9

I totally agree with what you are saying about sex

Lex (not verified)05:41pm
Jun 13

Id love to read it!

Sex toys (not verified)08:33pm
Jun 22

I totally agree with what you are saying about Sex Toys

alice radio (not verified)12:54am
Jul 6

interesting ! thanks for sharing! always support your posts. have a good day!

Ed (not verified)02:33pm
Jul 6

I tried the fesenjan there a while back, and I was disappointed, too. Shiraz is a bit hit and miss, though the do make some good stuff. I don't know if any other place in town even has it on the menu. Caspian Bistro is a possibility, and the original Signature Cafe (before it changed hands) might have had it, but the other Middle Eastern places probably won't.

As for the sex, I thought the deal was that women aren't looking for visuals as much as men. That's why most buyers of Playgirl are supposed to be gay men. And some (many? most?) straight women are turned on by pictures of women.

Tony Lisa (not verified)08:59pm
Jul 28

thank you for your information. Hope to know more information from it.

Sincerely,
Mr. Tony

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Andrew (not verified)04:27pm
Aug 6

I am willing to admit that I'm gay, and actually have an attraction towards larger men. I've known this since I was able to conceive the difference between man and woman and fat and skinny. I would be very interested in reading this book. In my opinion there's nothing better than being pulled in next to my 345 pound lover by the incline created by his weight in bed. But anyway, I'll be sure to get hold of a copy and read it.

Anon (not verified)11:36am
Aug 30

newsflash: 6'1 and 203 is still overweight
(BMI >25)

Max Sparber  url06:50am
Aug 31

25 is the top rate of the normal BMI. Anything above that would be considered overweight.

pearl (not verified)10:12pm
Oct 14

6 ft. 1 and 203 is overweight for a guy?? come on, that's bloody anorexic - YUCK! Numbers... bleh. So NOT sexy. I am a small, fit female who loves fat men. I am very athletic and healthy and love to cook healthy (but NOT low fat) food, but cannot stand a guy with a weak appetite. That will never, EVER turn me on. My most recent long term BF was 5'9" and about 185 and perfectly proportioned... in my mind. And really, isn't that all that matters? I associate lean, athletic men with frigidness, fanaticism, criticism, close-mindedness, rigidness and as being uncomfortable with themselves and their surroundings and unable to relax or enjoy life. But... that is just me. And that is OK. I will never change, so why is my preference *bad* and other's *good*?  Flesh turns me on just like bones turn other people on. Why does that need to be judged??? (and BTW, the picture of the guy here is totally hot--gawd! -he's not really even fat!!). 

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