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I have driven the new Mini Cooper. So has half the British Press (the one that matters--Jeremy Clarkson in particular--he is the "dog's bollocks.")

The universal rap on the new car is that it has been "Americanized." In other words, the automotive equivalent of a nice hot casserole. Its a little bigger, the dashboard is less fussy, it has a few more HP (under 10) and it is sprung a tad bit more softly.

Pulease. I have written about this car before (see "Big--a meditation on the MIni Cooper). At that time I pondered whether this joyous little piece of sculptured iron was a "Chick Car." I came to the conclusion that if it was, I would change my sex (I already have a gender neutral name, like "Pat", a little snip and we'd be done. Like Hedwig, sorta.)

The previous Mini was that much fun.

This new Mini is, how shall I say, all hat and no cattle. Style without substance. It has been egregiously compromised by the Germans and I hold BMW responsible.

Here are my road notes: The new Mini compared to gen one.

"Interior: grown up and that's good. Exterior: bigger, er, no, no make that bulbous (compared to the first generation.) Clutch engagement: Damp noodle (I am reminded of that oxymoronic concept called "British cuisine") Turn-in: Cool but not crisp. Handling: More distant, like an ex-girlfriend. Throttle response: Gen one: atta-boy Gen-two: La-Z-Boy
Suspension: see "La-Z-Boy." Desire to drive like a German person: nein, nahzink, no vay (can you hear me BMW?)."

Where the rubber meets the road: In world where a little Honda pumps out 200 HP and DODGE CALIBERS (for chrissake) 300 HP, you need peerless driving dynamics and "feel" to do better with less power. The previous Mini did just that. The current Mini does not. It will sell but its soul has been sold.